So your teddy bear likes to be tied up?

ugh. I hate laptops... At my family's in Monroe, going home tomorrow.yay. Only been up here a night and I want to go home. I can't imagine what it will be like to live here. blah. life isn't right. When you make mistakes, learn from them and move on. Also, own up to them...

I bought my first pack of cigs today and I wasn't carded. lol Now, if you don't know me I look like a 12 y/o and I just think it was really funny. I had my id out and everything. Blah. It's odd doing things I couldn't do 2 weeks ago...like going to the CoG show. heh. ^_^ I <3 Brien!!!!>

EH, it's what's playing. I've got a head ache as big as my friend Tucker. And that's Huge. I've been basically in a nonstop mode ever since Thursday night. My b-day was a lot of fun. I only wish my sister would have called to say she wasn't gunna show or something. meh. I figured she'd flake. I wish my friends wouldn't have gone to game and would have stayed with me but oh well, what can ya do? I had most of the people that I wanted to be there and they stayed for most of the night. My mom wasn't freaked out by my friends so that was fun. Then last night we went to the COG 10th Aniversary show. Wich was fun exept for being dragged into the mash pit thing. EVERYONE Was twice my size easily. And they wanted me to croud surf. _< No. lol And today was a BBQ for HOS People. It was interesting. I have this huge fear of being a diabetic. It's like I'll eat sugar and feel so sick. And it normally wouldn't phase me. But if I don't have sugar I want to pass out. >_< Poor puppy!!!!(COG cd.)Oh well. I'ma go play Starcrack now. Laters>

Blah. So the title says how I'm feeling. I can't wait to see peoples Friday night. Hopefully my mom isn't too scared of my friends. heh. my sister will be there so it's gunna be awesome. *sighs* Summer school is irritating. But only six months of high school left, period. so I guess I should be happy about that but school is just kicking my ass. oh well life goes on. Laters

Won't you go away (little girl) Wish you wouldn't stay (little girl) Won't you go away (little girl) Wooo ooo go away. Go away little girl Go away little girl I'm not supposed to be alone with you Oh yes I know that your lips are sweet But our lips must never meet I belong to somebody else and I must be true. Please go away little girl Go away little girl It's hurting me more each minute that you delay When you are near me like this You're much too hard to resist So go away little girl before I beg you to stay. Won't you go away (little girl) Wish you wouldn't stay (little girl) Won't you go away (little girl) Wooo ooo go away. Go away little girl Go away little girl It's hurting me more each minute that you delay When you are near me like this You're much too hard to resist So go away little girl Call it a day little girl Please go away little girl before I beg you to stay. Won't you go away (little girl) Wish you wouldn't stay (little girl) Won't you go away (little girl) Please go away.

Te quiero puta!

A girl saw a little rose It bloomed there in bright heights She asked her sweetheart if he could fetch it for her She wants it and that's fine So it was and so it will always be She wants it and that's the custom Whatever she wants she gets Deep wells must be dug if you want clear water Rose-red, oh Rose-red Deep waters don't run still The boy climbs the mountain in torment He doesn't really care about the view Only the little rose is on his mind He brings it to his sweetheart She wants it and that's fine So it was and so it will always be She wants it and that's the custom Whatever she wants she gets Deep wells must be dug if you want clear water Rose-red, oh Rose-red Deep waters don't run still At his boots, a stone breaks Doesn't want to be on the cliff anymore And a scream lets everyone know Both are falling to the ground She wants it and that's fine So it was and so it will always be She wants it and that's the custom Whatever she wants she gets Deep wells must be dug if you want clear water Rose-red, oh Rose-red Deep waters don't run still

Auf einer Brücke ziemlich hoch Hält ein Mann die Arme auf Da steht er nun und zögert noch Die Menschen strömen gleich zuhauf Auch ich lass mir das nicht entgehen Das will ich aus der Nähe sehen Ich stell mich in die erste Reihe und schreie Der Mann will von der Brücke steigen Die Menschen fangen an zu hassen Bilden einen dichten Reigen Und wollen ihn nicht nach unten lassen So steigt er noch mal nach oben Und der Mob fängt an zu toben Sie wollen seine Innereien Und schreien Spring Erlöse mich Spring Enttäusch mich nicht Spring für mich Spring ins Licht Spring Jetzt fängt der Mann zu weinen an Heimlich schiebt sich eine Wolke fragt sich Was hab ich getan vor die Sonne es wird kalt Ich wollte nur zur Aussicht gehen die Menschen laufen aus den Reihen und in den Abendhimmel sehen Und sie schreien Spring Sie schreien Spring Erlöse mich Spring Enttäusch mich nicht Spring für mich Spring ins Licht Spring Heimlich schiebt sich eine Wolke vor die Sonne es wird kalt Doch tausend Sonnen brennen nur für dich Ich schleich mich heimlich auf die Brücke Tret ihm von hinten in den Rücken Erlöse ihn von dieser Schmach und schrei ihm nach Spring Spring Erlöse dich Spring Enttäusch mich nicht Spring für mich Spring Enttäusch mich nicht

Am I like doomed to forever redo English 3? Cause last year, I developed tremors which it like twitching spasms and now, my knee got injured so I can't go up the stairs some days to actually go to class and my teacher is a fucking cunt cause she doesn't know how to do her job. Wow. that's a bad run on but I'm so mad that I can't type! FUCK! BTW, my 18th B-day is June 30th and we're probably going to the Quarter. Most are invited but check with me if you're going. :)

I'll be legal then. heh. I know I should be looking forward to the celebrations and junk but right now I'm not. Right now, it feels like forever and a day just until this weekend. And nothing happenening this weekend. Well, that's what I thought last Sat would be like but heh. God I wish I could just get a knee replacement!!! Atleast that one would be healthy and no pain. *sigh* 44 days 'till I'm 18. I wonder what will happen..

Grr. My knee is getting better tho. yay! >_< Godless Heathen Day is coming up ^_^ So that should be fun! And I get to see Elijah  Saturday. YAY! Ugh School work calls. Laters

yeah, the reason I've been getting head aches and junk is because I need glasses to look at the comp and to read my books. Only problem is is that I have to wait 5-10 days to get them. SO yeah. I have a project to be working on that I can't reda what I have to do...ugh.

SO...I can hardly see the screen right about now. Been crying since I read my email. I tried to run from everything but I cried and tripped and fell. Then I went to sleep and that didn't help cause I'm up now and that bothers me. WHy is sex so important in a relationship? or why is it that there is a good relationship going but you subtract sex and it all seems to turn to shit?? Just fucking ugh. I don't want it to end but I don't know if things can keep going. I hate this. I really really fucking do...

I hate anxiety....and there's no reason for it. _

Why can't some of them come true?

_

.....yummy

*sighs* Everyone is having a kid but me. Most really didn't want a kid but they got one. I want a baby more than I want to keep breathing. It's like everywhere I turn there's something staring me in the face that I'm not a mom. ANd I don't even know if I can have children! I don't know if the doctors fucked up everything when they put me on that birth control! If that's the pains I've been experiencing! I want to cry but I can't. I want a baby but I can't. Is there anything that I truly want that I can have?! *cries*.....later.

Hey you there Cast an eye this way You with that young lust virgin smile Don't pretend that you're quickly melting before my eyes That's a lie 'cause i see all of you Quite clearly now I like our looks your moves you know everything So when i ring you up in the evening i shall meet you In the grove of eglantine Just south of man's delight Close to a soft flowing stream In the grove of eglantine We will join as lovers might Between the lines of a dream Your magic lips Have made me realize All of the pleasures man can fantasize So don't pretend that you're sad to see me say goodbye That's a lie You're a wicked wench...ha But thanks for all the laughs You and your young lust virgin smile And when i'm gone for awhile I'll once more want to meet you In the grove of eglantine Just south of man's delight Close to a soft flowing stream In the grove of eglantine We will join as lovers might Between the lines of a dream In the grove of eglantine Just south of man's delight Close to a soft flowing stream In the grove of eglantine We will join as lovers might Between the lines of a dream In eglantine...of a dream (fade)

Leg mir das Halsband um dann geh ich auf die Knie und fang zu bellen an der Schmerz ist schön wie nie Mach den Käfig auf hol mich ins Sternenreich ja Komm tuh mir langsam weh leg mir die Ketten an und zieh die Knoten fest damit ich lachen kann Mach den Käfig auf hol mich ins Sternenreich ja Dort wo die Sterne waren drehn sich Feuerräder wir feiern eine Leidenschaft der Schmerz ist schön wie du

I just feel so lost latley. Like I'm not even here or anywhere. I just feel ignored by most and annoyed by others. My purpose in life is to be nothing. I'm worried about medical issues and not passing one class. I'm also worried about really dumb things that I shouldn't be. Just the past couple of days have just been a blurr of madness. I don't know what to do anymore. *sighs* I know I'll get through this but it's hard when there's only few who will take the time to listen and even then, I don't want to bother them with everything that goes on in my head. It's kinda funny cause Brien knows half of things and Poof knows the other half. *shrugs* W/e. Later.

Sometimes I miss the feeling of being loved. The feeling of knowing that no matter what you did or how bad you fucked up that there is always someone to love you. Or the warm fuzzies that you get when they tell you that they love you. *sigh*

Brien and I made a year yesterday! YAY!

Today he has gotten the bright idea to suprise me tomorrow morning by bringing me to school himself. Let me tell you how much I just want to find something that makes me so sick that I can't go to school no matter what. I must thank my mother for telling me in advacance so that I don't kill him when he wakes me up in the morning. I fucking hate my father....